My Biggest Regret

As the title of this article suggests, I’m going to be discussing my biggest regret, but first you’re going to read a whole lot about jiu-jitsu. If you’re not into jiu-jitsu or you’ve somehow never heard of it, I promise this goes somewhere, so just stay with me.

Jiu-jitsu has become one of my favorite pastimes recently. I train at least 5 days a week, and most weeks I’m there every single day barring some sort of injury or scheduling conflict. I have adjusted my diet, supplementation and lifting schedule to support progression in jiu-jitsu. I'm taking time to learn while I’m off the mat so I can apply techniques when I’m on the mat. Becoming great at jiu-jitsu is one of my main objectives, and I’d like to think I’m working at that as hard as anyone at my gym.

My first jiu-jitsu class ever was on October 9th, 2015. I was 19 years old the first time I stepped on the mat; and I hated it. I didn’t like getting choked, I didn’t like sweating on other people, I didn’t like other people sweating on me, but most importantly, I didn’t like being bad at something. I was at an age and a maturity level where I only wanted to do what came easy to me. I didn’t see the value in pursuing something I am bad at, when I could spend my time instead mastering the things I’m naturally good at. While there is some validity to that, there is a lot of character to be built in getting humbled every single day until you figure out how to not suck at what you’re doing (and for those who don’t know anything about jiu-jitsu, everyone sucks at the beginning. There is no such thing as “easy” in jiu-jitsu). In any event, at that age, the idea of grinding day in and day out to learn how to choke other people was not an intriguing one. So that night, while I made my debut in the world of Brazilian jiu-jitsu, I also made my retirement. It was a good run, but I had decided it just wasn’t for me. I didn’t step back on the mat again until 2022, when a friend invited me to a class and I gave it another go. This time, I had stuck around long enough to learn a few basic submissions and a few basic escapes. I tapped some people, I got tapped even more. This time, though, I actually enjoyed the process. Then I got married, had a kid, had some career changes and as a result took a pretty long hiatus before returning to the mat in 2024.

I’m now 28, it’s been nine years since my first ever jiu-jitsu class and I’m just now deciding to get serious about this endeavor. Which leaves me with the obvious, yet disturbing question: What if I had kept going when I was 19? What if I had trained then like I train now? What if I had dialed in the diet, the recovery, the supplementation? I’d have trained all the way through my physical prime, I’d almost certainly be a black belt, and perhaps I’d have competed at a high level. Unfortunately, I’m nine years into this process and I don’t have any of those accolades that I wish I had.

Looking back on my life having never tried jiu-jitsu would’ve likely stung, but what stings far more is trying it, eventually falling in love with it and realizing that you missed the window of opportunity where you could have truly become great. Even if I wanted to become a world-class jiu-jitsu practitioner, it’s too late now. Even if I train as hard as I am and I do everything perfectly and outpace everyone around me, I can’t be one of the best in the world; biology simply won’t allow for it. All of the world class practitioners today started when they were teenagers and trained like animals for a decade to become as great as they are. By the time I reach black belt, I will be in my mid-to-late 30’s, and the best black belts in the world will be in their mid-20’s. They will be faster, more explosive, more durable, and generally more athletic than I will be. It’s just not going to happen.

The good news is, while becoming a world-class jiu-jitsu player is a nice thought, it has nothing to do with why I want to do jiu-jitsu. I genuinely love the process of getting better at jiu-jitsu. One of the most common sayings on the mat is “some days you’re the hammer, and other days you’re the nail”, and I love both. The process of learning this skill, figuring out a new submission, getting one over on a guy that usually dominates you. While stripes, belts and medals are nice, and I certainly want as many of those as I can rack up, it is the process that I’ve come to love.

So, is my biggest regret in my life really that I didn’t start jiu-jitsu sooner? No, of course not. It’s merely one branch of the regret tree, because I have a litany of other things I wish I had either started sooner or maintained consistency with; especially when I had more time, fewer responsibilities, and more years ahead of me to master whatever it was I wanted to pursue. I think about taking content creation more seriously back when it was easier to win. I think about not wasting my early and mid-20’s sitting on my ass smoking weed and playing video games instead of focusing on building muscle; because without exogenous hormones, I sure won’t be able to build muscle now and in the future like I could then. I think about not getting my shit together earlier so I could have been in a position to have kids earlier, and as a result have more of them.

My biggest regret? Procrastination.

Thinking about doing it, knowing I want to do it, telling myself constantly I’m going to do it, but never getting around to it. Constantly kicking the can down the road to some arbitrary future date where, in my imagination, I’m finally going to do it. The day you finally start will only truly arrive once you understand that it will never arrive. The day is never going to show up on your doorstep, you have to make it the day.

Not a soul on this earth is going to come along and grant you permission to pursue the things you think about pursuing in your life. Not a soul on this earth is going to alert you that it’s time to be who you’re destined to be. Not a soul on this earth is going to ask you what you want and validate your desires for you. If you want to do it, don’t wait a second longer. Each moment that passes is a moment you’ll wish you had at your disposal once you actually begin the process of pursuing what you want. Identify whatever fear you have that is holding you back from taking that leap – whether that be rejection, embarrassment, judgement, etc. – and see how that stacks up against the fear of kicking the can so far down the road that you die before you ever do anything about the desires that are closest to your heart. Cultivate a fear of what you’re going to feel if you live your entire life in a cage built out of the “what-if’s” you’ve drummed up in your own mind.

I can say with confidence that my biggest regrets in life will never be the things I start, the things I pursue, or the things I create. They will always be the things I didn’t start, the things I didn’t pursue, and the things I didn’t create. I suspect you will be no different.